The mind and the heart, a pair belonging to one single stream of river but flowing on the two opposites sides of the lagoon, at least thats the state of my mind right now. The thing that the mind says is not acceptable to the heart and what heart says does not taste my mind and I haven't and probably cann't figure out whether it is my mind who is writing this or my heart or some other third entity who listens to both but acts onto only what it likes.
It has been last one week that I am not able to concentrate on what I should but playing with only what I want, even in the ambience of the complete knowledge and awareness that my placements, gre everything is at the next door and time will fly without any whistle. It is a deadly combo when both of them do not work concertedly.
From last one week, I have been working on my project, my so called very interested camera project, doing all the things concocted to it, only and only because I love doing it. I know it is important to do other things, specially the most important thing at this stage of my life,i.e., improving my english vocabulary and the language, solving placement papers(at least few if not some, as i know my heart will never let me do all) and concentrating on my papers that possess sinewy potential of laying the base stone of my future but still I spare all my time on just one project and the remaining hours , when I feel myself lazy, palling and laggard, I never miss purging them in a prodigal manner for my hobbies that include hacking, hacking on the internet.
It sucks and it eats every bit of my mind when I find myself released off my own control, wandering freely without any direction, and the worst part of it brews when I find it more and more uncontrolled, not giving heed to things that matters but just doing things aimlessly, shirking from the important things.
They say, you write your emotions on a paper whenever a toofan of them starts sheathing the peace and your enervativeness and the next moment, you will be free of them. This was also an attempt to lessen its intensity.
But still it bothers me, and it will, probably, bother me till I catch the right track again. Let it bother me, that it perhaps the only solution of my unattentiveness for the important thing
--- a mind or a heart.
(I dont know my name)
Everything is illusion, I can feel it again.
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